I started this blogpost today rambling on about my efforts to revamp myself and then shit happened. I'm not joking...shit literally happened. I was doing math with Peach while all of the other kidlets who had finished their school went running into the backyard. I just assumed Piper went with them. After finishing up the math lesson, I looked outside to check on everyone and didn't see Pi... This is never a good thing. It was suspiciously quiet. So, I went upstairs to see if she was there and saw her happily playing with her toys in her room. I started to back away slowly so I didn't disturb her and then stopped. Is that her butt crack? I slowly inch back towards the door and see that she was indeed butt naked sitting on the floor...and then it hit me. That well-known smell that strikes fear into the heart of all parents was so. very. strong. I walked towards her and saw it. Poo smeared all over her backside. Poo smeared all over the floor where she was sitting. That sock and headband sitting next to her? Covered in poo. She saw me, smiled and stretched out her chubby little hands towards me. You guessed it...also covered in poo. But what did I NOT see? Her diaper! Funny how you can go from having a good day to feeling so very defeated so quickly. In that minute the smell of defeat was as strong as the stench of the poo. So a bath happened. Again. This child takes more baths than any other kiddo I've ever had. Then the futile process of putting on clothes that I know she'll wiggle out of in under an hour. Then the scrubbing of the poo-covered laminate floors. Last but not least, the great diaper hunt. I found it on the floor in my room...which had been closed...with no poo in it. What the hell happened? 👀 I always loved mystery stories growing up. Clue was my favorite board game even! However, this is one mystery I could happily live without solving.
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| Toddlers are cute for a reason. If they weren't, no one in their right mind would put themselves through this. |
Update: Before I could publish this, the mystery was solved. I heard loud complaints of "EWWW Piper has poop on her legs!" as Pi was coming in from outside for gods sake! I was doubly flummoxed by this point. She was still fully clothed, her diaper was still clean...how the hell did she get crap on her legs again? Then the littles started saying things like "Oh, maybe it came from the poop in her room." What poop in her room? I had just scrubbed all of that crap off of the floor! "Yeah it's on the Calvin and Hobbes book too..." Luke chimes in. By now I'm scrubbing Pi's legs with baby wipes asking what they're talking about. Peach says "Oh I'll show you!" and runs upstairs. Once we're there she shows me. It's the motherload. A nice pile right in front of Barbie's Dreamhouse. I'll bet Barbie's HOA didn't know what to think of that. Is there a fine schedule for "Dinosaur sized piles of shit on the front lawn"? Anyhoo, so now it all made sense. She's must've dropped trou in my bedroom, gone to play in her bedroom, and while having Peppa Pig and Susie Sheep invade Barbie's pink sanctuary, dropped a deuce right on the floor and continued playing. After that, she must have gone to the other side of the room where I found her sitting in all of the smears. But wait! There's more! She must've taken a short cut across the bottom bunk bed because the smears form a nice trail across the sheets as well. So when I bathed her and released her back to play in her room, she must've gone back to the dreamhouse, gotten her legs all mucked up a-fuckin-gain, and then run downstairs and outside to play with her siblings.
Is it too early to pour some wine? Maybe a tequila shot?
Apparently I shouldn't brag about it being a good day out loud because the universe hears me, gets that mischievous twinkle in it's eye.... and shit happens.
Peace, love, and poo-free vibes.
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