"It's a quest! A quest for fun..

I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun!"

This should be my slogan for this year. Like the poor delusional sap that uttered that quote, I'm sure I'll be driven to a crazed fervor bordering on mania some days, but a girl can hope, right? So it's doubly fitting. This year will be my quest for fun...a laid back year at least in theory. Part of this quest will be journaling\blogging. I don't really give a rat's rear end if anyone ever reads this, I'm not in it for subscribers. This is mainly for me. Even if I only blog a sentence like "Today sucked donkey balls. Going to bed." I intend on posting a small something every single day of 2020, a virtual journal if you will. I would make a "It'll be my 2020 vision" joke here, but dear god that's already overplayed. If I see Barbara Walters in my Facebook feed one more time...

Anyhoo, so this posting is being typed in retrospect for yesterday. Yesterday we had family and friends over for our annual New Years celebration. We usually have these soirees on New Years Eve but due to the Scouting life and Winter Camp getting out that day, we decided to postpone. It's a good thing we did too. My two campers and both girls crashed hard before midnight ever got close. So we spent yesterday in our usual gathering of good company, drinks, junk food, board games, cards, and so many kids we didn't know what to do. It was epic and wonderful; an excellent start to the New Year. I went to bed exhausted but happy. 

So here's hoping the rest of the year is like that...we go to bed exhausted from being busy in a good way and happy because we're surrounded by amazing friends and family. There should be some pretty grand adventures on the horizon...

The Unflappable Ms. Clare

So that roller coaster, huh?

Yeeeaaahhhh....

The Durian has some big electrical issues. Big issues mean big money, naturally. Is there anything smellier than a durian?

Ugg, oh well. Like Jason said "It is what it is, nothing we can really do about it." This is unfortunately true. So while my hearing did fuzz out for a bit when reading the total, I've decided to be...unflappable. It is what it is. Why fuss and fume over it any longer? Why let something completely out of my control ruin things? Deep breath, in and out...maybe touch or feel something near you and focus on how it feels as a distraction.

Goooossssssffrrraaaabbbaaaaaaa....

This morning was kind of crap in and of itself. Everyone around here was on edge. The kids were angry at each other, angry at their school, angry at things they couldn't control. Interestingly enough, it was more of an annoyance to me than a panic situation. I kept my calm. I was kind of...unflappable. I'm not sure why, to be perfectly honest. Could it be that I've been eating healthier? The yoga once a day? Are the stars in my house aligned in a certain peaceful manner? No idea. I do wish it would stick around, though. Let's see how long it lasts...

I have been feeling pretty great since starting this new cleanse, though. This cleanse is only three days and you can actually eat food. Let's be honest here...nobody wants to live on juice or pills and water for a week. Even I tried the infamous 48 hour Hollywood Juice Diet when I was 20. I made it to dinnertime the first day. Let's recount how that went:

Cook at work: "Girl, I got barbecue ribs in the kitchen tonight!"
Me grimmacing: "Oh so that's what smells sooo good...  Man, I'm doing the juice diet today though!"
Cook with mild disgust: "What? Juice diet? Huh...well I'm just sayin'...they're good! Hmph juice."
Me: "Yeah I'm sorry..."
*goes back to the records book, smells ribs wafting through the air, checks a few boxes*
Me: "Oh fuck it, this juice is gross anyway."
*tosses pen down on the cart, heads to the kitchen*

She was right, her ribs were awesome. Her potato salad was too. No one wants to live on juice or lemon cayenne water or whatever the hell else liquid concoction is trending. So while I haven't been eating BBQ or ribs on this cleanse, I have been eating delicious food like roasted chicken. No starvation, but real results. Tomorrow I'll weigh in and make a more official post about it. I can't help but wonder if all of this hasn't been helping my mood though. Perhaps the cleanse has been helping along this unflappableness I've felt today. *shrugs* It surely can't be hurting.

I can't say I won't give The Durian a swift kick when we finally go pick it up though. Not enough cleanse in the world for that.

Roller Coasters and Durians

Remember the movie Parenthood? Good movie. Remember the part where the little Grandma talks about the Roller Coaster and it becomes a metaphor for life? That is probably one of the most relatable movie quotes that has ever been put to celluloid. Whenever life tosses a monkey wrench our way, I think of the little Grandma and her roller coaster.

A monkey wrench came our way today. It came in the form of our Suburban. Big shock. See, ever since we bought that car three years ago, it has proven to be nothing but a big fat money pit. Not just little repairs, either! We're talking some high dollar repairs. It's a complete lemon. Actually, I don't think I'd insult lemons by comparing them to that car. How about a durian? I've heard that durians smell like rotting corpses, so that would probably be a more fair association. Anyhoo, our durian of a vehicle has been a drain since we bought it and always at the worst times. For example, my sister and brother in law came down for a wedding and we all journeyed up to the Ren Fest together for a long overdue day of ye olde fun and merriment together. Guess what died on the way there? Yup, The Durian! We never even made it. Or the time that the entire air conditioning system died right before the Houston Summer. Or the time we were simply on the road to church and the piece of crap died in the middle of the road. Or when we were on the Gulf Freeway on the way to my baby sister's wedding and it just stalled right there on the highway. Cars in general can be a financial drain, but The Durian? Ohhhh it's taken things to a whole other level. 

So today I had dropped my middle boys off at home after church and was on the way back to pick up the oldest from Youth Group. I realized that the console behind the steering wheel was pitch black. No lights, no dials working, nothing. I couldn't tell how fast I was going or how much gas I had. The car seemed to be running fine, though, so I figured I'd be as careful as possible and just get it home quickly. As an extra precaution, I decided to stop and put a little gas in it. All was well until I turned the key to leave the pump. Nada. Nothing. I tried again and only heard the radio blasting and a soft ticking sound. I started to panic a bit and then anger took over. Again?!? Why? Why AGAIN? It hasn't even been a full three months since the last time we had to have it towed because it wouldn't start in our driveway! 

I'm so over this car. My oldest and I realized that in the three years we've owned it, we've had to call a tow truck FIVE times now. That's just the tows, that doesn't include the countless smaller repairs also. If that isn't durian status, I don't know what is. Today was supposed to be restful. A nice laid back day... Not a day where I sit with a headache in a gas station chicken joint waiting on a tow truck wondering how much repairs will cost THIS time. 

Now I realize that there are a lot of silver linings here. It broke down at a gas station and not on the side of the road. It was only Sean and I, so we didn't have to hang out in limbo with all of the kids and find transportation for all of us. The gas station was close to home so Jason was able to just come pick us up really quickly once the tow truck had left. Roadside assistance is covered under our insurance, so we weren't out anything for the tow itself. My brain is telling me these silvery linings and I can acknowledge them but I just don't feel it. It's still discouraging. Why do the dips in the roller coaster of life just come out of nowhere and then tend to be so expensive?  But I guess that's the nature of the roller coaster; they're full of surprises, some good, some frightening. They twist and turn and go from thrilling to uncomfortable in a flash. It really is the perfect analogy for life sometimes. 

*fingers and toes crossed* that The Durian won't be too expensive to repair or won't need anything major this time. Please, roller coaster...start going up again. Pretty please...with sprinkles on top. 

Downton Abbey *Spoiler Alert*

DISCLAIMER: This blog post contains a huge plot spoiler regarding the series "Downton Abbey". If you haven't watched through to the end of Season Three, you may want to close this window right now. Seriously. 

One night Jason had fallen asleep on the couch and yet I was strangely awake. I grabbed a snack and scrolled through Amazon's instant video selection and saw Downton Abbey. I'd heard so much good about this series, so I clicked play.

And an insatiable addiction was born.

Since that time, many hours were spent in the evenings watching the trials and tribulations of the Crawley family and hanging on every elegantly pronounced word. I laughed, I cried, I felt rage. It was like the tamer British cousin of Game of Thrones for me. Jason became hooked as well and together we spent our evenings flying through all three seasons. We discussed it with my in-laws on Easter since apparently they've kept up with it but one thing struck me as odd. My mother in law kept saying how angry it made her that they were trying so hard to save Downton Abbey when financial ruin threatened the property. I inwardly wondered "Why?? Why wouldn't you want to save such a beautiful estate and such a genteel way of life?"

Then the season finale came. And Matthew Crawley, the immensely likable and totally selfless savior of the Crawley estate lay beneath his overturned car with blood running thickly through his handsome blonde hair. 

I was stunned. 

How could they do this? How could they kill off probably the most likable character in the entire series? And right after he'd finally produced a newborn heir to secure the title forever and continue the line! Then it hit me... perhaps Downton Abbey is evil...

Just look at the title screen...dark as well as light! Evil side much?

Of course! It's the house! It's the bloody house... It's alive like some Amnityville Horror of the English countryside. Until now, Lord Grantham has produced nothing except girls (therefore in sexist old England, no heirs) and it's been worried. But it can't off Lord Grantham because he genuinely loves the estate and wants to preserve it. But Sybil disses the legacy, marries an Irish Socialist, and produces another girl... and what happened to her? Yep, she's gone. Died within the walls of the home. But Matthew Crawley gets sucked in. He marries the prickly eldest daughter, falls in love with the estate, and sinks a fortune into it to save the legacy. He modernizes it to keep it afloat. He saves that estate's bloomin' arse. Then the crowning glory...he produces a male heir. The line is saved! Succession is achieved! Downton Abbey has no further need for dear Matthew. It chews him up and spits him out on the side of the road bleeding beneath his car like yesterday's rubbish. It won't off Mary Crawley though... she bleeds Downton's stubborn lifeblood like her father does and she'll need to raise the heir apparent with the same values. The house is intelligent as well as evil it would appear.

Or perhaps the writers are just cheeky bastards who like to toy with our emotions.

But I'd put my money on the house...

Mommy Daydreams...

As I have stated once or twice before, I love cooking. I also love my crazy monkeys. But sometimes I still dream...

My tastes are simple. I wouldn't even have to leave the house, really. I'd just like a day where I didn't have to do anything. A day without school lessons or playing referee in the midst of testosterone fueled rage. I think I'd spend it reading, coding and watching Downton Abbey. Maybe I'd order take-out... Or take a nap! But I wouldn't cook or do laundry or clean a damn thing. There might be a long bath involved. A cold bottle of wine would be a must.

Sure I could dream of Puerto Rico and the sound of the wind in the coconut trees... But this is a more realistic fantasy for the time being. Attainability can be attractive too. ;)

...Cause Knowledge is Power!!

Sometimes I get the itch to learn something. I'll suddenly have this deep seated need to expand my horizons. I'll want knowledge just for the sake of having it. Sure, I learn a lot of things alongside my kiddos while helping them with their schoolwork, but that doesn't fill the void. I'll pick up Rosetta Stone or find a website aiming to learn a new language but inevitably it'll fall by the wayside. (One day I'll finish this though...being at least bilingual is on my bucket list and I'm not getting any younger.)

One day, I was reading the book Ghost in the Wires and the idea of all these programming languages piqued my interest. I decided to look into them. They all recommended HTML as a good one to start with. I started playing around with it one afternoon just for kicks. I was hooked. There is something so very satisfying about taking all these unintelligible lines of code and watching it turn into something almost...pretty! The counterpart to HTML, which deals with even more artistic elements, CSS is a little trickier to me. But oh the things you can do with it... My awesome husband even bought a big book to help me learn more in depth, and it's like crack. Once I start doing those lines of code, I'm loathe to put it down.  

This has me planning.

Thanks once again to my awesome DH, I am now in possession of a domain name. I will use it to practice, and eventually pimp that sucka out. I'd move my blog there... I'd open up a recipe section... There could be a health and fitness section too... I could have a corner for just about anything! This is very exciting to me.

The geekdom is growing...

As a side note, if you're interested in a modern "Catch me if you can" kind of story, I highly recommend Ghost in the Wires. It's a pretty amazing story to say the least.

Die, fat greasy Boogeyman...just DIE!

I think we all have our internal struggles. The boogeymen in our brains, the issues that we mentally charge towards on a white steed with a conquering lance glinting in the sun of our confidence.  Sometimes the lance makes contact. Then other times we may fall off of our steed landing in a crumpled and confused heap. The issues go untouched or perhaps only whittled at with no real resolution. Where did we go wrong? We started off so very strong! Why are these things so tough to conquer? Why won't the boogeyman DIE?

I've watched everyone I've ever known struggle with the evil monkeys on their backs that they'd love to shake off. One of my boogeymen is health. Scroll through this blog and at any given point I'm sure you'll find a post hinting at frustration over "falling off the wagon" in regards to healthy living. It's something so simple...eat right, exercise, be healthy...and yet so many of us fail so miserably. Oh sure, I'll start a diet on my metaphorical charging steed, but before I know it, I'm sitting on my butt in the dirt with a doughnut or two watching my steed gallop away. My beautiful horse was going to lead me to a better place! A place with more energy..a place where you could shop for cute clothes without blushing and picking the "big girl" jeans! And yet here I sit with my doughnuts watching his hooves disappear in the dust.

*huge sigh of frustration*

It's gotten to the point where I'm hesitant to try anything new because I'm afraid that it'll become another massive fail, like all of my other attempts. Might as well just sit here in the dirt with my doughnuts...at least it's a stable place, right?

WRONG.

"Why do we fall, sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up." 
So I must pick myself up again.

And drop the doughnuts.

(Oh and bonus points to those who know where that quote was from.)